


Needless Harm to Pool Noodle Assassin

by Patherfind



Series: Zer0 pain [1]
Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: Gen, Guns, Oneshot(s), Other vault hunters mentioned - Freeform, Pain, hcs, owowow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-03-09 17:33:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18921775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Patherfind/pseuds/Patherfind
Summary: Ah Eridium?!?





	Needless Harm to Pool Noodle Assassin

The assassin was a well oiled machine. Headshots took one or two bullets depending on the conditions and distance. They could easily slice a bandit in half, throw a kunai along the way perhaps. They worked as a quiet undertone to the noise that was their band of vault hunters. Slinking in kills between flashy Siren powers, a mad chopping psycho, a man blazing two guns with malice at a single badass. 

Zer0’s kills rarely sparked much attention among the chaos. A flash of blood, a body crumpling to the pavement with a thud, a sharpened weapon exploding in a shower of sparks being the flashiest.

Their team tended to not pay attention to the assassin. They preferred it that way, honestly. As long as they didn’t get in the way, they were fine. Though they had never shot a teammate before on accident, it was still a concern, especially with some of their more... Erratic fellow vault hunters. A shot from their sniper rifle would not do any of them well.

Despite their work often being overlooked seemingly, their team knew how important they were on the team. Their often silent guardian, eliminating unseen threats for their well being. For the greater good.

It was unnoticed by all except the lanky assassin. Three shots taken to kill one bandit. From what?... A twitch of their hands.  
After the mission ended, Zer0 went and slunk to their little hideaway. They felt livid with themself.  
Zer0 grumbled softly to themself, staring at their four fingered hands. They doubted... Why did that happen?... It made no sense. Zer0 felt fine. They were in shape, had plenty of practice, felt no fear. And yet they had stumbled?.. No one had noticed, though. Zer0 sighed quietly, rubbing their hands together for a moment before picking up a small notebook. With a pen, they began writing notes. Haikus. Though with a refreshing tiredness settled over their mind, the lines looked a bit disgruntled. But that’s what this notebook was for. Tired rambles of blood and darkness...  
Zer0 wrote a few, before simply putting it away and lying down. 

Tomorrow would be another day. They fell into an undisturbed sleep, their first in a few weeks.  
Their large gap between slumbers was commonplace for them. Their team knew about this and respected it. Even the unsleeping assassin needed rest sometimes. 

—-

Their slip ups gradually got worse. A stumble that caused them to get shot. A foolish slash of a sword, uncalculated, landing in the pavement with a BRINNNNG. A flatter of metal that alerted their fellow vault hunters. The midget Zer0 had been trying to kill had jumped out of the way. It held a shotgun pointed up at the vault hunter.  
No emote displayed on their helmet. Their arms stung with the impact. They could still fill the shaking reverb of it. The midget screamed something in a high pitched voice. 

“LITTLE MAN BLEEDS!” Krieg suddenly shouted, slamming down his buzzaxe into the midget’s head, spraying blood on both himself and Zer0.  
Zer0 silently cursed as they put away their blade. All the bandits in the camp lie dead, mediocre guns lying on the ground with their previous owners. They stood still, processing what had happened slowly.  
Krieg and the others stared them down, eyes scrutinizing and questioning. Zer0 had missed. And had almost gotten a shotgun to the chest for it.

They may have said something... Zer0 did not hear it, however. They simply turned, straightened their posture, and started walking towards their bandit technical.  
Zer0 took the driver seat, to avoid having to talk to the others. That, and they enjoyed driving these things. Everyone else? They did not enjoy the assassins driving. Not one bit.

The ride home was in silence. 

...  
Things only declined further and faster. Missed shot after missed shot. Zer0 simply warned their team of threats instead of ending them before they became a danger. 

Zer0 stared down their scope, hands trembling. Their joints ached and their vision was doubled... Blurry. It was hard to aim through their scope. They.. Didn’t understand.  
Aches filled them terribly. Coursing through their hands and head. 

Zer0 murmured haikus to themself, adjusting their grip on the rifle and taking aim again. This shot connected with the target, hitting them in the neck and causing them to fall over and choke on their own blood. A sloppy kill, but a kill nonetheless. 

...What was wrong? Zer0 could not lie their finger on a discernible cause. They were... Not sick, or anything? Only pain and missed shots. 

...  
Zer0 stood their ground, breath falling from their mouth in sharp bursts. They held their sword tightly in hands which wished to disobey their owner. The blade dripped blood. Cold tinged at their extremities, making the stings worse. Number. Slower.

Bodies lie in an almost circle around them. Their Echo comms were dead silent.  
...Before them stood a hulking mass of destruction. A Goliath who had taken many lives, and had knocked out all their teammates. 

Zer0, the lanky and sickly alien remained. They tightened their grip and swung their sword in a downward arch.

...The blade met with a swung arm, digging down and cutting bone.  
The Goliath shouted in anger and malice, pulling back with a mighty roar.

Zer0 took a pace back, vision betraying them. Blood was splattered on their visor. Injuries stung. Sight doubled, making the red dance.

A ground pound caused them to stagger.  
Zer0 winced as they regained footing and slung their blade towards the giant. Blade collided with chest. Without thinking, Zer0 thrust the sword through their chest. Blood blasted their fronts. 

Zer0 pulled away and jumped back.  
They slipped on the blood and fell onto their back heavily.  
The giant staggered and groaned before also falling. Forwards.

!!!

Zer0 only ended up half stuck underneath of them.  
They groaned softly and pulled away, limbs refusing. Pain surrounded them and threatened to swallow them up.  
They.. Had a mission. The assassin got to their feet, leaning on a bloodied blade to propel themself, keep them up. 

The rest was a blur. They remembered... Getting the car? Driving it over... Somehow fighting their own weakness and getting the rest of them team into the car.

Zer0 remembered driving... Then they woke up in Sanctuary...

Zer0 got up silently. Slowly and aching, but silently.  
They made a quiet noise under their mask, which thankfully didn’t get said.  
They looked down at themself... Bandages over their armor, it seems their wishes had been followed. Blood soaked through a few of them. Dark red.  
That was fine...

The rest of their teammates were lying on the beds, also bandaged up and thankfully asleep.  
Zer0 looked across the room to the window... Nighttime. 

How had they gotten back...?  
...

The assassin stopped trying to think about it and quickly left, sneaking past other crimson raiders. They tried to start a conversation with them, but they ignored them all. 

Zer0 settled into their hiding place, looking down at shaking hands...  
They could not continue like this. Too many mistakes. This was not their quality of work. They were an unkillable assassin. A well oiled machine. Not... Not this.

Pain filled them. It wasn’t their injuries... They had... No idea.

Zer0 hmmed. Then took off a glove... Purple.  
They recoiled at the sight and shoved the glove back on.

...  
.....

They would definitely have to quit vault hunting... At this rate...

**Author's Note:**

> I’ll have more soonish. I have many ideas. Is that a bad thing?


End file.
